Hello again, as I am trying to break into the film review world I have created a new blog called Big Kahuna Movie reviews. I ask that everyone who reads this site (All 6 of you :) ) please begin following that one, as this one will probably not be updated very often. I do plan on updating the movie review site at least 3 times a week. I promise you wont be disappointed, and if you like it please tell all your friends.
http://bigkahunamoviewreviews.blogspot.com/
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
They Call Me Mr. Wahlberg
I remember when Basketball Diary's came out. Good film with Leo DiCaprio, that had Mark E Mark in a supporting role. He actually did a good job, especially for being one of the worst rappers in history. A few years later my wife, then girlfriend at the time and I saw a commercial for the film Fear. I remember saying "Lets go see that, its Mark E Marks new film" She agreed and we were both pleasantly surprised. Once again I thought he did a great job. Then in 1997 I read about Boogie Nights, a film about the 70's porno industry with Mark E Mark playing the John Holmes role, and my man Burt Reynolds as a porn producer. I said "Lets go see Mark E Marks new film, its about porn." we went, my wife was board as the film is lengthy. I was not board, I was blown away.
I like 70's porn, as they have plots, yes I need a plot or I cannot watch anything. They have horrible acting, horrible dialog, but damn fine music. To see a film capture this was amazing. The soundtrack, the look, everything. Hell Mark E Mark's room even had the Bruce Lee, Farah Fawcett, and Corvette poster in it. I laughed, had a good time, and as the film went on, became emotionally attached to every character. 3 different couples walked out of the film, as they muttered things like "Disgusting", "Trash", among other things. My wife tried to stay awake. I was glued to the screen. Mark E Mark was fantastic in the lead role as Eddie Adams a young kid with a "Natural Talent" for porno. He obviously got off the roids for this part, as he looked like a thin 17 yr old kid, I remember the scene where his mentally abusive mom began calling his girlfriend a whore, and kept calling him stupid and he finally snapped, crying, yelling and screaming he would "Do something great." He was crying, with snot coming out of his nose, and spit flailing from his mouth as he yelled, and cried showing the emotions of a kid who just wanted his mom to love him, and in the same respect hated everything about her. I remember thinking "Holy shit, that's Mark E Mark, wow" That was the performance of a lifetime. He went from being a naive polite, almost simple kid to a big shot in porn, to a coke fiend who couldn't get it up. And he played every aspect of the character to perfection.
Not only was his performance a star turner. but this is the only film I can remember that made stars out of most of the cast. Sure they were all veteran actors, but after this film they blew up. John C. Reily, the comic foil of Will Farrel was Reed Rothchild, Mark E Marks sidekick. Heather Grahm was Roller Girl, a teenage porn queen, and yes we see her naked. Julian Moore was Amber Waves a Porn Star who was a mother figure to all the other characters. Don Cheadel was Cowboy a porn star who dreamed of opening his own stereo store. Thomas Jane was Tod Parker, the man who introduced Mark E Mark to coke. William H Macey as Little BIll the cameraman who's wife was banging everyone around him. And a nod to his captivating scene where he shoots her, her lover, then himself just a the clock strikes midnight on new years ever to transcends the film into the 80's. Louis Guzman as Maurice Rodrigue a nightclub owner who wants to be in the business. Phillip Seemore Hoffman as Scotty J a man with a crush on Mark E Mark. And Final this film featured the comeback of one of the greatest actors in our time. Burt Reynolds.
This was Burts return to the silver screen after a string of failures. He was Jack Torrence, film producer, and he blew everyone away with his performance. He played his part to perfection. He was against video tape, he liked film, and he believed he was making art, or real films if you would. He won the Golden Glob, and was even nominated for an Oscar, unfortunately the academy gave it to Robin Williams for Good Will hunting, but lets see counselor who helps troubled kid vs guy who makes porn, No brain winner there.
If you have never seen this film, check it out. Its one of the best films ever made. I remember the next year I got a comercal for an action film called The Big Hit. I turned to my wife and said "Lets go see that, its the new Mark Wahlberg film" She said yes. It was a good film contrary to what everyone will say, but I noticed I didn't call him Mark E Mark. I never call him Mark E Mark. I call him Mark Wahlberg. Its a shame he didn't get an Oscar, or even a nod for Boogie Nights. It truly made him a star, and made the world forget he used to drop his pants and yell "Come on come on, swig it" on stage.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Get Well Shloggs
As most of you know via different message boards throughout the Internet Shloggs, the writer of Shloggs Horror Blog suffered a heart attack a few days ago, and remains in the hospital. Please keep him in your prayers.
CJG
CJG
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
I Got Suckerd.......Now Someones Gunna Get Punched!
Sucker Punch, two words, two hours, one big pile of crap! This is without a doubt the worst film ever put on the silver screen, matter of fact it was so bad the screen wasn't silver, it was brown from the shit called Sucker Punch.
First off let me clarify something, I like Zack Snyder, 300 was a cool film, and Watchmen was incredible. Watchmen is probably the hardest comic to translate into a motion picture and Snyder did it flawlessly. The opening credits were a thing of beauty. They are in my opinion the strongest opening sequence in movie history. So when I saw a teaser for Sucker Punch a film by Zack Snyder I was excited. I remember seeing the girls battle a dragon in the teaser and thinking "I've never read that comic." Upon future trailers I realized it was not based on a comic, but actually written by Snyder. I was still excited. I read the plot line "A young girl is institutionalized by her abusive stepfather and will be lobotomized in 5 days, so she retreats to a fantasy world to escape thus blurring the lines of reality and fantasy." sounds cool. Its not. It sucks ass, let me explain.
Before I go further let me say, yes, I understood the movie. I find that when you tell a fan of the film you didn't like it they assume your stupid and didn't get it. Well I only breath through my mouth when my nose is clogged and my I.Q is 160 so yes I got the film. I'm not saying my take is right, or wrong, its just that, my opinion.
The opening sequence in this film is shot in the vain of Watchmen, however it comes across like a shitty music video that reminded me of that horrible song (and video) "After the Rain" by Nelson. After the video we are treated to a girl going to be lobotomized unless she escapes in 5 day from the loony bin. She must have realized she wasn't strong enough to grab a sink and throw it through a window so she learns she needs a map, a knife, a lighter and a mysterious something else to escape. She gets three other anorexic looking whores to help her escape. Unfortunately we see this through breathtaking visual fantasy scenes, where, to Snyder's credit he is able to juxtapose beautiful images with sheer brutal comic book style violence. So these three scantly dressed tramps, guided by an old man battle a Dragon, some kind of Nazi Rejects from the Haunted World of El Superbeasto, and some other crap on a blimp. Finlay the girl realizes she is the last mysterious thing she needs and sacrifices herself so her friend of 5 days can get away on a magic bus to never never land.
Here is my issue. Everyone says how this is highly original, and beautiful film making, true. Its called daring and imaginative, also true. And how it displays empowered women. False!
First off if you want to see an empowered woman watch Salt. Angelina Jolie looks like a C.H.U.D anyway but in this film she looked like a straight up Chuppacabra. These girls were dressed like rejects from a Cinderella video wearing costumes that were left over from the film Barb Wire. Empowered women usually don't look like sex slaves. 2nd if there so empowered why did 3 of them die, and the main one get lobotomized? The 4th girl does get away but only when the old man mysteriously helps her get on a bus he happens to be driving. Obviously the cops in this area are lazy and take a bus drivers word when looking for escaped fugitives.
Wanna know what I think this films was? A nerds rape fantasy. Yes a rape fantasy. The women did there exotic dance, which I get was how they were put into the trance to get into there mind world, but why not just have them close there eyes and count to 10. Hell the cook tried to rape a couple of them twice, even the main girl was about to be raped by the evil orderly after she was lobotomised. You know he pure evil because of his cheesy mustache.
Keep in mind this is my take on the film. My take is its the worst movie ever made. That's a big statement but its way worse then the cinematic shit sandwiches like Santa With Muscles, and Mr. Nanny could ever be. Some movies, like Roadhouse are so awful there fun, this is just awful shit. And if Superman bombs we may have seen the last of Snyder in high profile roles for awhile and this, and Watchmen were not exactly hits. And with the casting of Laurence Fishburn as Perry White I think its safe to say Bye Bye Zack.
Please let me know your take on this film. I would love to hear some feedback on my take on this film, as well as my idea to remake it starring Dusty Rhodes as the evil orderly who rapes Pam Anderson in the Baby Doll role Irreversible style. Hey at least it wont be disguised as something its not. Hell, Cool As Ice was never advertised as anything its not, and that film kicks ass. Word To Your Mutha!
CJG
First off let me clarify something, I like Zack Snyder, 300 was a cool film, and Watchmen was incredible. Watchmen is probably the hardest comic to translate into a motion picture and Snyder did it flawlessly. The opening credits were a thing of beauty. They are in my opinion the strongest opening sequence in movie history. So when I saw a teaser for Sucker Punch a film by Zack Snyder I was excited. I remember seeing the girls battle a dragon in the teaser and thinking "I've never read that comic." Upon future trailers I realized it was not based on a comic, but actually written by Snyder. I was still excited. I read the plot line "A young girl is institutionalized by her abusive stepfather and will be lobotomized in 5 days, so she retreats to a fantasy world to escape thus blurring the lines of reality and fantasy." sounds cool. Its not. It sucks ass, let me explain.
Before I go further let me say, yes, I understood the movie. I find that when you tell a fan of the film you didn't like it they assume your stupid and didn't get it. Well I only breath through my mouth when my nose is clogged and my I.Q is 160 so yes I got the film. I'm not saying my take is right, or wrong, its just that, my opinion.
The opening sequence in this film is shot in the vain of Watchmen, however it comes across like a shitty music video that reminded me of that horrible song (and video) "After the Rain" by Nelson. After the video we are treated to a girl going to be lobotomized unless she escapes in 5 day from the loony bin. She must have realized she wasn't strong enough to grab a sink and throw it through a window so she learns she needs a map, a knife, a lighter and a mysterious something else to escape. She gets three other anorexic looking whores to help her escape. Unfortunately we see this through breathtaking visual fantasy scenes, where, to Snyder's credit he is able to juxtapose beautiful images with sheer brutal comic book style violence. So these three scantly dressed tramps, guided by an old man battle a Dragon, some kind of Nazi Rejects from the Haunted World of El Superbeasto, and some other crap on a blimp. Finlay the girl realizes she is the last mysterious thing she needs and sacrifices herself so her friend of 5 days can get away on a magic bus to never never land.
Here is my issue. Everyone says how this is highly original, and beautiful film making, true. Its called daring and imaginative, also true. And how it displays empowered women. False!
First off if you want to see an empowered woman watch Salt. Angelina Jolie looks like a C.H.U.D anyway but in this film she looked like a straight up Chuppacabra. These girls were dressed like rejects from a Cinderella video wearing costumes that were left over from the film Barb Wire. Empowered women usually don't look like sex slaves. 2nd if there so empowered why did 3 of them die, and the main one get lobotomized? The 4th girl does get away but only when the old man mysteriously helps her get on a bus he happens to be driving. Obviously the cops in this area are lazy and take a bus drivers word when looking for escaped fugitives.
Wanna know what I think this films was? A nerds rape fantasy. Yes a rape fantasy. The women did there exotic dance, which I get was how they were put into the trance to get into there mind world, but why not just have them close there eyes and count to 10. Hell the cook tried to rape a couple of them twice, even the main girl was about to be raped by the evil orderly after she was lobotomised. You know he pure evil because of his cheesy mustache.
Keep in mind this is my take on the film. My take is its the worst movie ever made. That's a big statement but its way worse then the cinematic shit sandwiches like Santa With Muscles, and Mr. Nanny could ever be. Some movies, like Roadhouse are so awful there fun, this is just awful shit. And if Superman bombs we may have seen the last of Snyder in high profile roles for awhile and this, and Watchmen were not exactly hits. And with the casting of Laurence Fishburn as Perry White I think its safe to say Bye Bye Zack.
Please let me know your take on this film. I would love to hear some feedback on my take on this film, as well as my idea to remake it starring Dusty Rhodes as the evil orderly who rapes Pam Anderson in the Baby Doll role Irreversible style. Hey at least it wont be disguised as something its not. Hell, Cool As Ice was never advertised as anything its not, and that film kicks ass. Word To Your Mutha!
CJG
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