"Whats the most disturbing thing you have ever seen?" That's a question I get asked all the time. Not because I have weird taste, but because I am a horror aficionado. Italian, Asian, German, England, and the good old USA. I watch them all. The bloodier the better. I never really had a good answer to the question, I always say what bother me might not bother you and vice verse. But not long ago I decide to google the question and most all lists contained the same films. Some I had seen, others I had not. So I decided to buy everything on these lists and sit down with my wife, yes my wife loves horror as well and see if we could be disturbed, or at least feel dirty enough to need to go shower together. Sadly we were not disturbed by any of them. In fact some were just laughingly bad.
Ok, right about now you must be thinking I'm some sick dude, but lets break these films down, Here are the top 5 that seem to make every list.
5.) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Not much to say here, as everyone has seen this. A group of kids stumble upon a house of horrors when they encounter Leatherface and his deranged family. The kids are killed, hung from hooks, and turned into head cheese. Yes, as in the kind you eat. Did I mention at dinner Leatherface dresses in drag while a 100yr plus old man tries to knock a screaming girl in the head with a hammer? Sorry but I think this film is actually a black comedy.
4.) Last House on the Left: 2 teenage girls go to "Score some grass" before the big concert and get attacked buy a group of escaped convicts. They are raped, beaten, and killed. As the convict make there escape they stop at, you guessed it The Last House on the Left, which just so happens to be where one of the girls lived. Her parents take these people in for the night, and soon begin to suspect theres something not quite right. When they go outside and find there daughter floating in the river they decide to take revenge. Electrocution, and my favorite, the old bite your dick off during a blow job routine. Is this movie really that bad? In a word no. Its very dated, and don't get me started on the end credits which just kill all credibility on this being terrifying. A dumb country like song about the sheriff and his deputy playing while scenes of them acting inept play in the back ground.
3.) August Underground Trilogy: A very convincing fake series of snuff films from Fred Vogel. Awesome make up effects, and very slick POV camerawork, make this seem real. Real dull, and laughable bad. This dialogue kills this whole film. Theres one very overly long seen where the killers are terrorizing two teenagers in a convenience store that's so bad its funny. The main killer grabs the guy and keeps shoving his face in this kids girlfriends ass yelling "Smell her ass" She wearing jeans, but the guy keeps coughing and gaging making my wife and I wonder, does this bitch know how to wipe her ass? Granted the murders look real, but why would a killer talk so much? Want to see the way it should be done, watch the home invasion scene from Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer, that's creepy, not this.
2.) Salo:120 Days of Sodom: First off this was written by the Marque De Sade so that should tell you its pretty messed up. A group of wealthy fascist kidnap 9 boys and girls and sexually torture them for 120 days. Sounds intense right? Wrong. Sure its messed up, and actually sick in parts but not disturbing. Its also long, and very wordy. I am probably one of the few people that think its dull. Hell the director was murdered in real life because of this film. It was deemed pornographic and banned in some country's. Its just not that bad. Its a period piece with sexual torture.
1.) Irreversible: First off I am not criticising this film, as it is fricking awesome. The camera work, acting, pacing, style, everything about this film is fantastic. Its about how far someone will go to get revenge when someone they love is hurt. Its filmed backwards in 10 minute increments. It stars the smoking hot Monica Bellucci from Matrix, and Shoot em Up fame, and is just an amazing piece of cinema. Did I mention it made this list because Monica is raped. Raped and Beaten hard core. In fact the scene just goes on and on and on. For like 9 minutes actually. Yes a 9 minuted rape scene. Sure theres no penetration shots, but you get the idea. Its graphic, and the beating she takes is horrible. But the film was so good I cant say it disturbed me.
So there you have it, the 5 most disturbing movies ever made, and none of them disturbed me. I'm not saying there not horrifying and graphic, but they don't disturb me. I don't think I'll ever encounter a cross dressing weirdo with a chainsaw trying to make me his lunch. I don't live on the last house on the left in my neighborhood. If someone made me smell my wife's ass I would not puke. Don't foresee a fascist kidnapping me, and once again Irreversible is just too god a film to bother me.
I guess your wondering if there is anything that does disturb me. Only 2 things I have ever watched have. The first was Jack Ketchums Girl Next Door. Its a true story about 2 girls who have to live with the aunt after there parents die. To say the aunt doesn't like the teenage girl is an understatement. She beats her, keeps her tied up in the basement, lets her son rape her, and finally takes a blow torch to the girls vagina. All this happens while all the neighbor hood kids stand around and watch it happen. Did I mention this is a true story? That's the part that bothers me. Not so much the fact someone could do this to another human being, but that a group of people could watch and do nothing. The film wasn't graphic buy any means. Most things were done off camera, but I still found myself turning my head.
And the last thing too really bother me wasn't a movie, but an episode of a TV show. Sons of Anarchy. A fantastic drama on the FX Network. At the end of season 2 a crazed IRA gun runner kidnaps the main characters 1 year old son. The final scene shows him driving off on a boat with the baby in the back while the boys father starts crying and screaming "Hes go my son." I felt sick, my wife felt worse. She cried for a long time on and off. Neither of us could sleep. She vowed never to watch the show again. We sat their in the dark feeling drained. All we could think of was what if that happened to us. You seen we just welcomed our 1st child into the world 9 months prior. And we couldn't imagine that happening to anyone. In case your wondering we did watch the next season and the father did get his son back. So all's well that ends well.
So in my mind something has to be real, or at least hit home to disturb me. If you have never seen any of these films, give them a try, they may freak you out. They just don't bother me. In fact to me theres one thing more disturbing then serial killers, and rapists. That's that there have been 7 Police Academy movies. Now try to sleep at night.
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