I Got Suckerd.......Now Someones Gunna Get Punched!

  Sucker Punch, two words, two hours, one big pile of crap!  This is without a doubt the worst film ever put on the silver screen, matter of fact it was so bad the screen wasn't silver, it was brown from the shit called Sucker Punch. 
     First off let me clarify something, I like Zack Snyder, 300 was a cool film, and Watchmen was incredible.  Watchmen is probably the hardest comic to translate into a motion picture and Snyder did it flawlessly.  The opening credits were a thing of beauty.  They are in my opinion the strongest opening sequence in movie history.  So when I saw a teaser for Sucker Punch a film by Zack Snyder I was excited.  I remember seeing the girls battle a dragon in the teaser and thinking "I've never read that comic."  Upon future trailers I realized it was not based on a comic, but actually written by Snyder.  I was still excited.  I read the plot line "A young girl is institutionalized by her abusive stepfather and will be lobotomized in 5 days, so she retreats to a fantasy world to escape thus blurring the lines of reality and fantasy." sounds cool.  Its not.  It sucks ass, let me explain.
  Before I go further let me say, yes, I understood the movie.  I find that when you tell a fan of the film you didn't like it they assume your stupid and didn't get it.  Well I only breath through my mouth when my nose is clogged and my I.Q is 160 so yes I got the film.  I'm not saying my take is right, or wrong, its just that, my opinion.
  The opening sequence in this film is shot in the vain of Watchmen, however it comes across like a shitty music video that reminded me of that horrible song (and video) "After the Rain" by Nelson.  After the video we are treated to a girl going to be lobotomized unless she escapes in 5 day from the loony bin.  She must have realized she wasn't strong enough to grab a sink and throw it through a window so she learns she needs a map, a knife, a lighter and a mysterious something else to escape.  She gets three other anorexic looking whores to help her escape.  Unfortunately we see this through breathtaking visual fantasy scenes, where, to Snyder's credit he is able to juxtapose beautiful images with sheer brutal comic book style violence.  So these three scantly dressed tramps, guided by an old man battle a Dragon, some kind of Nazi Rejects from the Haunted World of El Superbeasto, and some other crap on a blimp.  Finlay the girl realizes she is the last mysterious thing she needs and sacrifices herself so her friend of 5 days can get away on a magic bus to never never land. 
  Here is my issue.  Everyone says how this is highly original, and beautiful film making, true.  Its called daring and imaginative, also true.  And how it displays empowered women.  False!
  First off if you want to see an empowered woman watch Salt.  Angelina Jolie looks like a C.H.U.D anyway but in this film she looked like a straight up Chuppacabra.  These girls were dressed like rejects from a Cinderella video wearing costumes that were left over from the film Barb Wire.  Empowered women usually don't look like sex slaves.  2nd if there so empowered why did 3 of them die, and the main one get lobotomized?  The 4th girl does get away but only when the old man mysteriously helps her get on a bus he happens to be driving.  Obviously the cops in this area are lazy and take a bus drivers word when looking for escaped fugitives.
  Wanna know what I think this films was?  A nerds rape fantasy.  Yes a rape fantasy.  The women did there exotic dance, which I get was how they were put into the trance to get into there mind world, but why not just have them close there eyes and count to 10.  Hell the cook tried to rape a couple of them twice, even the main girl was about to be raped by the evil orderly after she was lobotomised.  You know he pure evil because of his cheesy mustache.
   Keep in mind this is my take on the film.  My take is its the worst movie ever made.  That's a big statement but its way worse then the cinematic shit sandwiches like Santa With Muscles, and Mr. Nanny could ever be.  Some movies, like Roadhouse are so awful there fun, this is just awful shit.  And if Superman bombs we may have seen the last of Snyder in high profile roles for awhile and this, and Watchmen were not exactly hits.  And with the casting of Laurence Fishburn as Perry White I think its safe to say Bye Bye Zack.
   Please let me know your take on this film.  I would love to hear some feedback on my take on this film, as well as my idea to remake it starring Dusty Rhodes as the evil orderly who rapes Pam Anderson in the Baby Doll role Irreversible style.  Hey at least it wont be disguised as something its not.  Hell, Cool As Ice was never advertised as anything its not, and that film kicks ass.  Word To Your Mutha!

CJG